Yeovil Town midfielder Ed Upson described his four-match ban as "horrific" – but denied allegations of a discipline problem while vowing to retain his combative edge.
The tough tackler is available again after serving a suspension for his second red card of the year.
Both dismissals came at Preston North End, the first in League One and the second in the FA Cup.
Glovers manager Gary Johnson revealed Upson was fined for his misdemeanours at Deepdale, but the player, who this week marked his 23rd birthday by receiving a Manchester United shirt signed by his idol Paul Scholes, said he would not be changing his approach.
Upson said: "It's been ages for me, watching and listening to the games. It has been horrific, but I am glad to be back, I am fully-fit, which is nice, and, hopefully, ready to go again.
"I am probably one of the worst watchers, I hate it. There is nothing worse than watching and not being able to influence the game and having to wait and see what happens.
"It makes it easier when the lads win, but it has not been nice looking on.
"It was obvious the manager was going to say something and I already knew.
"I've said it before, but I didn't feel it was a red card. I didn't go into hurt him or go over the top, but it's one of those things I've had to get my head around and move on.
"Someone said it was an issue and about discipline. Last season I had ten yellow cards before Christmas.
"This season I have been sent off twice and one was harsh ,but I have had only three yellows. I'm not one to hide on the pitch. If I see a ball to win I will go for it."
Upson added he would never commit to a rash challenge but said he had learnt an important lesson while sidelined.
"I'm not thinking about the consequences, I am definitely going to have that conscious thought that maybe I shouldn't dive in," he said.
"Before you are clear in your mind about what you are doing but not the consequences. Maybe if there is a 50-50 ball to be won I will do it again.
"It may sound silly, but it is one of those things where you make a split second decision.
"If it's a silly challenge I won't go for it but if it's a ball to go for I'll do it.
"I think I am a combative midfielder and I like to get around the pitch but, unfortunately, fouls are part of it.
"I can't wait for Saturday against Carlisle. I know the weather is horrific, but I can't wait to get playing again."
On Upson's double dismissal, Johnson said: "It's unusual and it's still happened, so you have to rap them across the knuckles with quite a big fine as you have got to be aware of the tackles you are making.
"We have had three or four reds that have cost us the game. Ed is a great competitor and he does want to do well for the club and his team-mates, but sometimes you have got to be careful with the rash tackles. They are not acceptable in the game today.
"We are pleased he is available again, let's be honest, because when Ed is on form our team plays well."
